1235 replies to this topic

[glosrob]

IT: this project will take at least 3 months
Finance: OK well we will give you 2 months and see how you get on.
IT: Can we take on any extra staff?
Finance: No.
IT: We will be a month overdue then.
Finance: Why?

:spaz: :spaz: :spaz: :spaz: :lolbut:

:(

[PeterFear]

Doing anything special for your 500th post? Maybe a small party with your closest friends?  :bun:

[DDA]

one of our current site managers refuses to tell us the date weve got to do the work by  :uhoh: :lol:

[glosrob]

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Doing anything special for your 500th post? Maybe a small party with your closest friends?  :bun:

Nothing special but for 1000 it will be a party like an 'S' Club Juniors Party :poundit:

DDA I know that feeling, it isnt my boss rather the people putting down the requirements to him. I have been doing bug fixes and the descriptions are mental:

"There is a problem with a thing on the page."

Which page?
What thing?
What problem?

YOU FUCKING SPAZZER MONG

[Bacon Sarnie]

Quote

Quote

Doing anything special for your 500th post? Maybe a small party with your closest friends?  :bun:

Nothing special but for 1000 it will be a party like an 'S' Club Juniors Party :poundit:

DDA I know that feeling, it isnt my boss rather the people putting down the requirements to him. I have been doing bug fixes and the descriptions are mental:

"There is a problem with a thing on the page."

Which page?
What thing?
What problem?

YOU FUCKING SPAZZER MONG

Oooh... have you been doing your Bastard exams? :ninja:

[freefall]

Quote

IT: this project will take at least 3 months
Finance: OK well we will give you 2 months and see how you get on.
IT: Can we take on any extra staff?
Finance: No.
IT: We will be a month overdue then.
Finance: Why?

:spaz: :spaz: :spaz: :spaz: :lolbut:

:(

HAHAH I like it.

Bean counters always ALWAYS fail.

[webb]

my project's a good un... first spend 18 months and lots of money writing out business requirements, going through tender process, choosing supplier, PAYING supplier to come in and design new application.

then, decide you can't be arsed with it and can them off.

then, go through tendering process, re-affirmation of processes/requirements, select 2 suppliers (SAP + Experian if you must know)

shit oneself at price/time to implement

decide to keep what you have, call it a "tactical solution"

time on project - 2 and a bir years, delivered sytems = 0

woo my massive blue chip company and it's ever changing IS structure + proabable backhanders/SAP mafia!!!

[freefall]

hahaha 

Big business is just utterly retarded. I went into a meeting once with a billion pound food manufacturer. Was board level, chairman, directors etc etc. The meeting was about their new website and each director was responsible for their "section" - cold food, warm food, sandwiches, etc etc yawn. I'm sat there for 2 hours while these cunts argue about what each area should be called. I went mental and slammed my fist on the table and said: We're here to take requirements for your website which you want built and built fast, do this some other time.

I looked across at my manager who was white, shaking, and had the look of murder in her eyes....and then the Chairman laid it down on the directors and thanked me for my actions at the end of the meeting. My boss was unable to hate me and we got a nice big amount of work out of them :smug:

Moral of the story - old men dithering = get angry.

[webb]

sounds about right freefall.

the reason the project went tits up in the first place was that while we had this supplier in to gather our requirements the business spent 3 weeks arguing with each other in every single workshop, debating all the finer details and generally being precious about everything.

it meant the project scope creeped like a sod and the original price of about £200k ended up nearer the million pound mark. wankers.

[Theo Cupier]

I used to work in Financial Services (or IT services to FS) and we were building a transactional website for one of the big life & pension providers.

We'd been working on it for many months, as you can imagine, and had got to the point where they'd signed off all the functionality - pension calculators, product applications, product self service etc etc.

We were still sorting out a few aspects of the look & feel of the website, but we'd fixed everything major - working with their brand dept to get it aligned to their brand guidelines and all that guff.

The only decision remaining - with 4 weeks until the site launched - was whether the main colour scheme would be Client Corporate BLUE or Client Corporate GREEN.

Needless to say, the board took a while to decide this and this one decision was the reason the side launched 6 weeks late.

[freefall]

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sounds about right freefall.

the reason the project went tits up in the first place was that while we had this supplier in to gather our requirements the business spent 3 weeks arguing with each other in every single workshop, debating all the finer details and generally being precious about everything.

it meant the project scope creeped like a sod and the original price of about £200k ended up nearer the million pound mark. wankers.

I'd have gone mental in those meetings...and been fired probably.
Where do you work now?

[webb]

heh, still here, still on same project.

The news that we were going "tactical" only broke on Tuesday so just trying to work out what i do with that now.

We've got some "quick wins" in the pipeline which i'm business owner for (i'm not an IS employee) so i've got to balance the need to get some quick fixes in with the fact that i now can't destroy the current system as that will now be the medium to long term approach.


ballache does not even begin to describe it.

[freefall]

heh indeed. Need another PM/Consultant?

[webb]

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heh indeed. Need another PM/Consultant?

heh, i'd love to change our PM but really i need a whole new IS department, a new management structure and a huge budget.

The Experian product really is the mutts but it would have cost a fourtune. My opinion is that you get what you pay for, the business however want all that they could offer but preferably for free!

You don't know a good hitman actually do you?

[freefall]

haha

but i can come in and dominate most of your department into shape, or quitting...I', quite good at that :P

[Fabian.gif]

This makes me glad I decided to ditch the Internets in favour of helping our government liberate oil from the middle east.

[glosrob]

some well good looking guy probably nailing Jennifer Ellison as we speak: alright boss I need updated DB to start the next round of bug fixes
boss: yep no problem I will send you that now
some well good looking guy probably nailing Jennifer Ellison as we speak: ok thanks

<boss leaves to go to two hour meeting>
<tumbleweed rolls across the office>

[Fabian.gif]

I'm still in bed btw.

[glosrob]

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I'm still in bed btw.

Smited.

For unfairness/jealousy

[freefall]

I'm at home

working :s